When the shit hits the Dragon
by Guest With a Gun
Summary: Probs high when I wrote this. Natsu and Erza are chilling but then Suddenly! Shit comes outta nowhere! Oh my God! What will they do? Will they survive. Oh noooooo.


AN: This is probably the most weirdest crap I've ever written. So please review, tell me what you think of this major fuck up. Pretty sure I was on crack, pretty sure.

It was a nice hot day in the Town of Magnolia, the gentle breeze carrying a flowery scent that appealed all the inhabitants of the land, whether it be animal, man or dragon slayer.  
In the centre of the great town, stood a large castle-like building, sounds of fighting, cheering and music were heard from the outside, a symbol of what looked to be a fairy with a long arrow jutting out to the front was proudly emblazoned on the large structure, showing that this building was a Mage Guild, oh and not just any guild of course, it was the Guild of Fairy Tail! Currently number one in the continent of Fiore having just won the Grand Magic Games.  
The guild was also the home of many strong wizards, two of them being 'Titania' Erza Scarlet, S-Class Requip Mage of Fairy Tail and 'Salamander' Natsu Dragneel, Fairy Tails resident Fire Dragon Slayer.

-GWAG-

With Erza and Natsu, they are seen together on top of a cliff that overlooked  
Magnolia, sitting next to each other hand in hand, her head resting on his shoulder, a soft smile on her face, enjoying each other's company while taking in the beautiful view of the town, well at least Erza was, Natsu however, was looking at Erza the whole time, the way her scarlet hair glinted in the sunlight never ceased to amaze him, he gently nuzzled her hair, taking in her intoxicating scent, an action which made his scarlet lover giggle, oh he loved it when she laughed, he loved her, 'Strawberries' He thought with a small smile on his face. He knew he made the right choice to tell her his feelings earlier, otherwise he would've never been able to experience this side of Erza.

If only life was kind enough to let this peace and quiet last forever-"GRRRRR!" But then again, life is a big Lucy.  
(AN: Reference from Yours Truly Prides Profanities, one of my inspirations)

Erza looked at Natsu, confusion written all over face, Said Dragon slayer was looking at his stomach, "I don't know about you Erza, but I'm getting hungry! Wanna head back to the guild?" He asked with a grin on his face. Erza couldn't help but giggle again which made his grin bigger. She leaned forward planting a small kiss on his nose, "Sure, I'm a bit hungry myself." They stood up at the same time, dusting themselves of the loose grass that managed to stick to their clothes.

They were in the middle of walking, their backs facing the cliff when Natsu froze, he turned around, sniffing the air, his face turned a palish green as he caught a whiff of something, his face scrunched up in disgust, Erza who was right next to him was pretty worried at the face he was making, " Natsu, sweetie, are you ok?" Natsu looked at his beloved, his face still an odd colour. "I just lost my appetite, and my sense of smell" He said, pain evident in his voice. "What?" Was the response he got.  
She was confused, she was about to ask for more clarification until she felt the wind change, and it hit her like the Magnolia Train, she was hunched over, both hands desperately trying to block the vile stench from invading her nose, tears pricked at the end of her eyes, 'Oh my Mavis! What is this smell!? It's as if Shinigami himself took a shit!'  
Natsu was doing much worse, he was a Dragon Slayer, his sense of smell was far better than a normal human, he was on the grassy floor unable to do anything as the awful smell started to make him feel dizzy, yep life was one big Lucy for sure.  
Luckily for him and Erza the wind changed direction, the smell was still there, but it wasn't as bad as before, Erza quickly grabbed Natsu and made a break for the guild hall to warn the people of the coming 'death stench'

-GWAG-

Inside Magnolia, a lone figure was casually making his way to the guild hall, he or she was covered in a dark brown cloak, covering the head to the toes, revealing only a pair of shit brown eyes that had vertical slits, the figure was incased in a brownish hue  
attracting a number of flies, "poop, poop, poop I bring the Shit storm." The person said in a deep voice signifying that it was a guy... Or a chick with a messed up throat? "What do you bring Salamander?" The person asked no one.

-GWAG-

Inside the Fairy tail Guild Hall, Juvia sneezed. 'Uhhh...that was weird. MAYBE GRAY-SAMA WAS TALKING ABOUT JUVIA! Squeeee!' It was Grays turn to sneeze.  
'SLAM' The guild doors, well...slammed open, revealing a panting Erza and an unconscious, green faced dragon slayer.  
"Erza! What hap-"

"NO TIME!" She cut off the Ice Mage, she was uncharacteristically  
scared and it was freaking them out,

"QUICK! Close the doors! It's almost upon us!" She yelled as she hid her lover underneath one of the guild tables to keep him safe  
"What's almost upon us?" Asked Levy, she was surprised when Erza grabbed her shoulders and looked right into her soul, "The death stench, a smell so disgusting that one whiff can cause your nose to fall off, a smell so vile that if you breathe it in it can cause unimaginable pain to your mind and soul!" Erza may have exaggerated a 'little' but you can't blame her, it was a traumatic experience. The whole Guild became silent, "Did Lucy break wind again?"

"SHUT UP YOU DAMN CAT!"

"Shut up! Now close those damn doors!" Erza yelled again. Elfman and Gray moved quickly to close those god forsaken doors before she unleashed hell. They wanted to live! They wanted to live dammit!

-GWAG-

Back to...uhhh, this person

"Poop, poop, poop, pooooppity poop, poop" The person sang.

Well shit! (AN: Ba dum tss) He's getting closer to the guild.

-GWAG-

"Oh Natsu are you ok?"

"I can't feel my nose Erza" They were both sitting down on one of the guild tables, Natsu recovered but temporarily lost access to nose, it still haven't fully recovered.

"Oh you poor thing! C'mere" Before he knew it, Erza started plant hundreds of small kisses on his face, he was feeling good already!

'Bang, Bang, Bang' "Open up! It stinks out here!" It was Gajeels voice.

"Stay the fuck away you iron bastard! We don't allow immigrants!"

"Yeah! You aren't man enough!"

"Open the fuckin door Snowballs! I can barely breath through this fuckin stench-". "THE DEATH STENCH! ITS HERE!-"

"WHOA! Erza, honey, calm down!"

" I know who made this stench!" Gajeel said. And suddenly the doors were opened.

-GWAG-

"Soooo...you're meaning to tell me that who we're up against, is the one and only

Dragon Slayer of Shit?" Natsu asked, his face wore an indifferent expression.

Gajeel nodded his head.

"Trained by the Shit Dragon herself?" Gajeel nodded again.

"I've never heard so much Bullshit in my entire life."

"Oh! Fun fact One of his Secret arts is called BullShit, I heard it-"

"Yeah, I don't really a give shit."

"Ba dum tss!"

"Was that necessary Erza?"

"You bet your sweet ass it was!"

"Wait, you smell that?" "I CANT SMELL!" "He's here!"

-GWAG-

"Wooooww! It looks so much bigger up close!" The person said whilst taking off his hood showing his shit brown hair, shit brown face, shit brown eye brows etc.

"Well that's enough sight seeing for today." His face was serious.

"It's time. For the shit to hit the fan!" He yelled while at the same time punching his fists together.

-GWAG-

Inside the guild, everybody was speechless after what he'd just said. "Did you really just say that!?" Gray yelled/asked

"Fuck yeah I did! And I'm proud of myself too!"

"...what a loser"

"Let's go kick his ass!"

"FOR FAIRY TAIL!"

"Yeah!"

As soon as they opened the door they immediately regretted it as they were hit by the full force of his Shitty Death Stench.

*Puking sound*.

They were knocked to the ground in less than ten seconds. Natsu was the only one standing, he can't smell remember.

Natsu eyed his opponent and noticed How. Fucking. Ugly. he was. He really wanted his nose back, he wanted to be knocked unconscious and not stare at this failed abortion.

But alas, Life was a Colossal Lucy, especially to him. Now he had to fight.

He readied himself, "Whats your name?" He asked the Shitty Dragon Slayer, " My name is Shittsu!" He announced with pride. "And you're Natsu Dragneel." The pinkette gave a nod in response. "This fight will be Epic!" "I'm all fired Up!"

They both started to build magic, preparing to unleash a powerful breath attack.

"Fire Dragons..." "Shitty Dragons..." "What?" Natsu stopped channeling his magic

'As if ' Natsu thought. "ROAR!" A large stream of shit was released from Shittsus mouth, aiming for Natsu, luckily he dodged just in time, his eyes widened in surprise, "What the actual fuck!" He yelled, he wasn't expecting that, at all. "Damn it!" Shittsu used a lot of magic in that roar, "I need more Shit to replenish my magic supply, lucky I brought extra." Natsus jaw dropped, 'please tell me he isn't gonna eat that' Yet again it is proven that life can be a total Lucy.

In that point in the battle, Natsu did what a real man would do, "Fuck this shit! I'm out!" He made a tactical retreat, A sleeping Erza in his arms.

AN: Weirdest. Shit. I've ever written. Review and Fav if you liked it.


End file.
